So, here it is—attention, my fat belly! I promised in my las..

So, here it is—attention, my fat belly! I promised in my last post that no one would ever see it. But then I thought—this page is for me, and I’ll use it for myself, so why should I feel ashamed?I wish I could say that I hate what I see and despise living with it every day. But that would be dishonest and exaggerated. I see a person with excess weight, maybe even first-degree obesity. I see the effects of a sedentary lifestyle and, even more so, the effects of cortisol.I don’t hate or despise this person. If I saw these photos online, I’d probably stare at them for a while, thinking how beautiful this nymph is—a literal goddess—and then save them to my gallery to admire later. In the photos, it looks beautiful. On me? No.A fat belly, fat legs, fat arms. An old, faded tattoo. Years of battling excess weight and a lifetime of EDs. Fasting and losing weight down to skin and bones with grueling daily workouts, a fleeting glimpse of happiness and fake beauty—only to gain it all back and become fat again within a couple of years. Hopelessness, but also personal growth.Now I don’t have an ED—I’m in remission. I don’t binge until it hurts, I don’t purge, I don’t starve. I go to the gym. If I weigh myself, it’s only to adjust the fitness equipment. I buy pretty clothes in my size. I do my makeup. It seems like I’m beautiful, and I truly believe that.But it’s just the surface. Underneath, I know how sad I feel. It’s sad to see folds, cellulite, a thick, flabby belly. It’s sad to see bitten-down nails, scars, and dark pigmentation in my groin from pulling out ingrown hairs. A wretched pig, a heap of folds.I’m a liar. I’m pretending, trying to fool myself, but it’s not working. Maybe I really am just disgusting. I’m used to this feeling—it’s not sharp or shocking anymore. It’s just normal. It’s such a part of me that I barely even understand it anymore.At least I managed to squeeze into these tiny thong panties—barely. Unfortunately, when I bought this set, only the tiniest size was left, but I bought them for the sake of the matching set 🥴.